Two Years Later

It has been two years now since I first experienced the symptoms that would later be diagnosed as a brain tumor.  And while I wouldn’t say that my life is markedly better now—indeed, sometimes it seems much worse—I met a lot of wonderful people during the process, made new friends, and reconnected with old ones.  If anyone asks, I know exactly which medications will help with nausea during chemotherapy, and I have been in the MRI machine so many times that I am now an old pro at having scans.  I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, or the best-looking, or the wealthiest person you’ll ever meet, but I am skilled at one thing:  surviving.

Run

I won't lie to you--for the past to years or so, my ability to write, and to create, has been severely diminished.  That's the primary reason blog posts, as well as new novels, have become so infrequent.  I even have another novel I began at least as far back as 2014 that remains uncompleted; I plan to finish it eventually, but lately I just can't find the inspiration.  The good news, however, is that I have managed to complete a shorter novel, entitled Run, which is available now in paperback, and will be available next week as an eBook.  It details the relationship between Sienna Thorpe, a successful architect who loves her job but has spent her entire life running from love, intimacy, and the potential for lasting happiness.  Her life is changed forever when she meets Harmon Brent, a transplant from Alabama who has come to Kentucky to put down roots.  Harm is a man with a great head for business--his sporting goods stores have spread across the country and even to foreign countries, but he's never had much luck in his personal life.  I attempted to write a longer novel than my last one, but only succeeded in reaching 50,000 words.  The purchase link as well as the cover are featured below.  As always, I welcome comments, feedback, and suggestions.


Run

Windswept Nights

Prior to my surgery last fall, I had continued writing but felt as though creatively, I had run dry.  I entered a publishing contest with mixed results, but the result was when all was said and done, I had fairly successfully self-publishing yet again.  Unfortunately when it came to fresh ideas, I was fresh out--but I had been playing around with the idea of one final novel in the Windswept Saga, to serve as both sequel and prequel, taking us back to the beginning of Sam and Susan's romance while playing out stories I had hinted at in The Art of Love.  This is book six, which means book five (which I have had a story for, for a while now, but need to do further research before I put pen to paper).  Additionally I have two further novels in the works, including one that is past the 30,000 word mark, which I hope bodes well for future creative endeavors.  Purchasing information for Windswept Nights appears below.








Windswept Hearts

Masks

In life we wear many different masks.  As children we wear various Halloween masks—I was mostly a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, though once I went as Garfield and twice as a vampire, no mask required.  As adults our masks become emotional:  we feign being happy, healthy, or satisfied when we are anything but.  We pretend to be excited or overjoyed for others’ success when in reality we are dying inside:  resentful, jealous, or even bitter that we are not experiencing the same thing.  But I am here today to tell you about a different kind of mask, one that is very much real and physical.  It is a white, plastic mesh mask that I wore to receive twenty-nine radiation treatments into my brain.

The mask was placed onto my face as a warm piece of plastic, which the therapists then molded into shape.  Each morning before going into the machine to receive treatment, I would lie flat atop a table and have the mask locked down so that my head was unable to move.  This act, while not necessarily comfortable, was essential to my treatment; it made sure that the radiation was delivered to the precise spot necessary each and every time in order to destroy any microscopic cancer cells that might have remained after the removal of my brain tumor.  For the first few weeks I would receive a scan prior to the four-minute treatment.  For the last few weeks, as I began to respond to the treatments, my scans were cut down to two per week.  But for the final six treatments, the radiation was delivered in more accurate six-minute doses.

The radiation, much like the mask, causes some irritation and discomfort, but you understand going in that the process is for your benefit.  And considering that I, in my perpetually-anxious state, didn’t expect to survive the craniotomy, well, everything else since October 13 has felt like a gift, a blessing, and a second chance at life.

Hair Loss

I don’t suppose I am a vain person in the conventional sense, though I do try to make sure I look decent (read: put together) when I leave my home to go somewhere.  One warning they gave me when I was fitted for my radiation mask, however, was that it could cause scalp/face irritation and hair loss.  Interestingly enough, it wasn’t until my third week of treatment that the hair began to break off and get everywhere.  It started on Thanksgiving, and around the incision in my head.  I still had some hair in the front for the next day or so.  But with each subsequent shower, more and more hair has come out in my hands, in the drain, and everywhere else.  The good news is that hair will grow back, and I am not completely bald; my head is simply “fuzzy” now.  But I have never had a shaved head in my life—I was born with a headful of hair—so this has been yet another interesting adjustment in this period of my life.

Lil Oscar

Our memories of childhood are often hazy, idealized, or altogether fictional—but the older I get, the more I appreciate these snapshots of the past.  When I was very young, my father worked in Lexington and would get home every evening around six PM.  He always carried two things with him—a green Thermos, and a white-and-blue Coleman lunchbox called Lil Oscar.  Lil Oscar remained a constant throughout my life, likely because it predated me.  I am sad to say that after thirty-plus faithful years of service to my father, Lil Oscar has finally been retired to disability.  In other words, his handle fell off.  The good news is I bought a replacement model, but I will never quite forget the impression a lunchbox made on me throughout my years.

Brain Tumor

At the end of May 2014, I experienced two days of weirdness in which I could barely walk.  It was literally as though I had to mechanically force my legs to bend at the knees.  I didn’t think anything about it other than I might have suffered a spider or tick bite.  Based on my general life situation, I keep problems to myself.  Not the best idea in the world, but it is what it is.  After the second day any pain subsided—and after all, I didn’t want to miss the Indianapolis 500 on television.  You can see exactly where my priorities were, no matter how bad I might have felt.

I was seemingly fine for the next few months.  Just after Labor Day I received my annual flu shot and woke up the next morning in excruciating stomach pain.  A visit to the Instant Care clinic in Richmond, followed by blood work and receiving an antibiotic, was then followed by a gallbladder ultrasound and a HIDA scan, both of which showed my internal organs to be functioning normally, as did a subsequent doctor’s visit that showed all of my systems were in proper working order.

On October 8, 2014, I experienced my first (to my knowledge) seizure.  Luckily my father was home and heard and saw me making the noises.  Because I had no history of them, a visit to the emergency room resulted in a CT scan of my head, a life-saving measure that showed a lesion/tumor in the frontal lobe of my brain.  Because I went to college for several hundred years and possess a degree in psychology, I know that “tumor” and “cancer” are basically synonymous.  From Marcum and Wallace Memorial Hospital I was transported via ambulance for the first time in my life directly to the new tower at UK Hospital, where I was admitted to the emergency department.  After additional testing and such, I was placed in a room on the sixth floor of the tower and visited by many, many physicians from the neurosurgery department.  This small, invasive thing inside my head had to be removed and promptly.  Therefore I was kept in the hospital for the weekend, given enough medication to keep a horse calm, and the surgery was performed on October 13.  I can admit without reservation that I was terrified at the entire prospect; when I left my room and was taken down to surgery for anesthesia, I didn’t think I was coming back.  I guess I could have been a little more optimistic, being that UK is obviously one fine hospital, but I know enough about the brain to know that these things are never certain.

Interesting fact about my summer: during the course of this thing probably/possibly growing inside of my brain, I travelled to Florida, walked up the mountain at Cumberland Gap, and drove myself to and from Irvine many, many times.  I guess I was blessed and lucky that I never experienced the seizure while behind the wheel or home alone.

I was discharged from the hospital on October 14, which seemed exceedingly premature.  However, I was apparently medically ready, and they didn’t want to risk infection setting into the large, nearly ear-to-ear gash in my head.  I felt pretty swollen after the surgery, but apparently I didn’t look nearly as bad as I could have.  My head was patched back together with about forty-nine staples, give or take one or two (everyone else counted them—I couldn’t bring myself to do it).  I didn’t really want to come out of recovery afterward; I felt nice and calm and sleepy and I only had to leave to have another MRI and to watch my Monday-night television shows: Fast N’ Loud and Castle.  Also, I needed to see my family.  I had many, many well-wishers during my hospital stay, and I am grateful for each and every person who visited or sent a card or left a message for me on Facebook.  I would argue that your prayers were far more faithful than mine, considering I didn’t think I would survive having the craniotomy.  I do have a piece of advice I have gleaned from this situation, however.

DO NOT IGNORE THE WARNING SIGNS TO BE FOUND WITHIN YOUR OWN HEALTH.  IF YOU ARE FEELING ABNORMAL, TELL SOMEONE.  For me, the signs only seemed to manifest themselves as a severe, persistent headache that stayed with me for the four days prior to the seizure.  But I can only speculate on how long the tumor had been growing inside my head.  I have driven myself to and from Irvine on numerous occasions; I was both lucky and blessed not to suffer a medical episode along the road to town.

As of now, it has been recommended that I undergo six weeks of chemotherapy and radiation in order to destroy the remaining cancer cells and prevent a recurrence of the tumor.  Start date was determined later; however, I have been fitted for the radiation mask, which was an interesting experience. It was a warm piece of mesh that they laid out across my face; as it cooled, they made marks and performed another scan on my head.  It was like a warm washcloth, but a completely different texture and result.  And here is another fascinating wrinkle to my story—in the midst of all of this, I advanced from the top twenty-five to the top ten of a publishing contest.  I literally had to email a manuscript to an editor while I was in the hospital, preparing for major surgery.  However, I would gladly send the manuscript again from any location.  It’s just an interesting story, especially if I was to win the contest and contract.  Then again, due to my condition and the nature of my surgery, my timeframe in regard to when the manuscript was actually sent could be completely skewed; I may have already been discharged and sent home.

Unfortunately I didn't win the contest, but I did receive a lot of positive feedback about my novel,

Love for Sale.  And that type of validation is always nice to have.

My first radiation appointment is scheduled for November 10, and part of me is oddly fascinated about what it will entail.  Radiation has been going fine so far, but I am extremely tired afterward.  Then again, I was tired before, so I don’t know if this is a side effect, or merely leftover from my tumor and subsequent illness.  The first two weeks of radiation and chemotherapy have gone fine, and I have (thankfully) not experienced the severe nausea that I had always associated with cancer treatments.  The primary side effect seems to be fatigue; for the first time in my life, I am now a regular napper.  It seems every afternoon I have to spend an hour or so in bed recuperating.  The radiation mask locks me into place on the table and is a bit uncomfortable, but I take a pragmatic view of things—it could always be worse.

One of the more irritating after-effects of brain surgery—aside from the nearly ear-to-ear incision in my head—is the damage to my short-term memory.  The doctors insist that my brain will continue to repair and heal itself as I recover, but for now I have even more trouble than usual remembering what or where I am.  But if you don't see me writing much for a while, I have a good excuse.

Publicity

Kentucky Summer will turn three years old next spring/summer, but the book is experiencing a bit of a second life thanks to a feature article done in Kentucky Living, AKA the Electric Book.  The book is not selling like hotcakes or anything, but to go from selling nothing to selling a few copies is always nice.  I also worked on a plan in which the Kentucky Artisan Center at Berea now stocks a few of my books along with those of other local authors and artisans.

Heart Trouble Redux

I was both elated and privileged to learn recently that my novel, Heart Trouble, would be featured in a newly released boxed set via Crimson Romance, Crazy for Cowboys.  The e-book boxed set is scheduled for release on September 8, 2014 via the Kindle Store, Barnes and Noble, and the iBookstore.  These types of boxed sets seem to be a hot trend in publishing—I even put one together for my Windswept Saga novels—and I look forward to seeing what kind of sales this one may achieve.

Kindle Store

Barnes and Noble Nook Store

iBooks

Taking Stock

It has been approximately two years since I published my first novel.  I’m too lazy to look for specific dates, but it was June 2012 when I was reading Windswept on my Kindle while I edited the rough draft of Kentucky Summer, which was published a month later.  In the following two years, I have published eight novels under my own name, another under a pen name, and two novellas under an additional pseudonym.  I also submitted Heart Trouble and had it published via Crimson Romance, which gave me the opportunity to have one of my works available through more than one sales channel; the paperback edition has also been added to the collection of at least one public library.  I am currently working on another novel that is taking much longer than my standard pace; at nearly three months and counting, I am still not sure when I will put this one to bed.  I have ideas for at least one further novel, but aside from that I am nearly tapped out in the ideas department.  So what have I learned from these many, many hours of hard work, multiple rejections, and many sleepless nights where the ideas wouldn’t be silenced?

1. Writing is never easy.  Even when it’s easy, it’s still not easy.  You’re always digging, searching, and forcing yourself to make everything the best it can be.  In the course of typing, you will put words where they shouldn’t be and in the process of editing will have to try to figure out what your intended message was.

2. Writing is not a quick trip to fame and fortune.  It has been my only income for the past two years, through no fault of my own—I’ve been in the job market for more than three years, and it has been almost as long since my last interview.  I have had decent months of income, but none of those occurred until I had published my sixth novel.  There have been other months where I made so little that I didn’t merit a payment at all.  My sales have really trickled down to nothing over the past several months, which doesn’t exactly provide a great incentive to continue with writing as a vocation.  If I ever built up a nest egg I would love to pay for professional covers if not professional editing for my novels.  Heart Trouble undoubtedly has my best cover.  If worse came to worse, I wouldn’t mind learning how to create my own covers via some type of graphics program. 

3. Writing does not necessarily lead to instant popularity.  Not everyone will care about your writing.  Some people will care about it only so long as it doesn’t cost them anything.  Ultimately you have to work to make sure your completed novel is something you enjoy, a piece of product that is the best it can be—and if not, spell check and edit the darn thing, massage it and streamline it until you can love it.  As conceited as this might sound, if you don’t love your own work, there’s very little point in putting it out into the world. 

Paperback Writer

At long last, Heart Trouble is available to order in paperback form.  To be honest, I cannot afford to buy a copy of my own novel, which should tell you something about the ups and downs of being a writer.  Heart Trouble was not one of my longer novels, and it is a quick read.  But it also marks the point where I changed my writing style and tried to branch out into some different territory.  I’m not sure when it will be available but it is up for ordering, and that is the important fact given my long wait time.  Then again, publishing tends to move at the speed of a glacier, and the only way to have a book available immediately is to print it yourself.

http://www.amazon.com/Heart-Trouble-Tommie-Conrad/dp/1440571457/ref=sr_1_1_bnp_1_pap?ie=UTF8&qid=1395666617&sr=8-1&keywords=heart+trouble+tommie

Cover of Darkness

Regular readers of this blog will remember that I wrote a 72,000 word novel during the first twenty-one days of National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo).  The turnaround time on this novel was not so great—it took me three months from completion to publication, which admittedly is shorter than most publishing lead times.  I was lackadaisical when it came to editing, holding off on the business of revisions until January, nearly two months after it was complete!  I at least have a valid excuse for the slowness of the rest of the project:  snow.  The weather has made it very difficult—make that extremely difficult—to get to a decent internet connection and upload my book.  I also struggled with crafting a cover.  I’m still not one-hundred-percent happy with the covers of “Dark Horse” or “Cover of Darkness”, but you get what you pay for.  And employing myself as a graphic designer is certainly economical.  I have no clue if the novel is any good, but I enjoyed writing it.  As always, readers, I leave my success in your hands.

Paperback

Kindle e-book

Songs for Sale

I’m never quite sure how to frame a blog that’s little more than a sales pitch, but I wanted to put it out there for anyone who didn’t know, or hadn’t bought a copy, that Heart Trouble is available for 1.99 on Amazon for the entire month of February.  I’ve posted the links on Facebook and twitter several times, and I will now post it for anyone who might have missed it or is interested in the e-book.

http://www.amazon.com/Trouble-Crimson-Romance-Tommie-Conrad-ebook/dp/B00DV0XJ7M/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1392132948&sr=8-1&keywords=heart+trouble+Tommie

Dark Horse

Way back in July-August of this year, I tried my hand at writing a romance novel with elements of mystery and suspense thrown in.  The book was written in a little under thirty days, but in spite that short timeline, the story was the result of a great deal of thought, effort, and writing.  Thus far no publisher has been interested, however, and therefore I have put together the book for sale on my own.  I recently learned how to “style” a document—a debt of gratitude is owed to the Smashwords Style Guide—and it was much easier to put together the book after going through this process.  For the first time, one of my print novels looks like the genuine article.  I wish I had known earlier how easy the process truly was.  I have already reworked the interior of one novel, and am considering doing the rest.  It is a simple cut-and-paste job; the most difficult part is redoing the interiors on CreateSpace.  Anyway, for readers who might be interested, I am including links to the e-book and paperback versions of Dark Horse at the close of this blog.

Dark Horse

 

In Too Deep

I have embarked upon every author’s favorite task—editing.  Insert sarcasm here, please.  So far I have uncovered one continuity error that I knew was there during the entire writing process but didn’t bother to fix.  It has now been altered.  I found the usual amount of typos, but also a first for myself:  places where the word is so far off the mark that I have no clue what I originally intended to write.  Anyway, in those cases I had to look at the context of either the sentence or the passage and hope for the best.  I’ve never written anything—yet—that turned my stomach afterward and required a complete deletion, but I have to say that I really like the chemistry between the characters in this novel.  It’s fun to watch their story unfold yet again.

NaNoWriMo, Week Two

As of this writing, I have completed more than 45,000 words of this novel.  My standard operating practice involves no going back and editing until the work is done, and I plan to do the same here.  My goal, again, is to blow past the 50,000 words that are required and get at least 70,000 before I put this one to bed.  Writing this novel with such speed, at such a torrid pace, was completely unexpected for me.  As I try to rake leaves and dodge snow, and do laundry and clean house and get myself ready for Christmas, I leave ample time every day to work on my novel. I continue to learn that writing is about pushing yourself and cranking out story even when you’re not feeling one-hundred percent.  When you push yourself past your limits, to the edge of your expectations and over the cliff, you find out how bad you want to cross the finish line and what you’ll do to get there.  As far as the novel is concerned, I have altered some plot points since I wrote my summary, but the basic story is unchanged.

Just Look at Me

Even though I’ve been slacking in the writing department lately, I decided to take the plunge and start my own Facebook fan page.  The link is at the top of the blog, but I’ll also include it here for anyone reading this individual post or perhaps viewing it in mobile.

http://www.facebook.com/tommieconradauthor

I find myself wondering about the importance of social networking, and whether or not it truly works when it comes to selling yourself as an artist, author, or performer.  I also understand, however, that I sold several books via my personal Facebook page that I might never have otherwise, and maybe I have done the same via this blog.

What Am I Waiting For

I feel a bit lazy these days.  Scratch that—very lazy.  I have been sending out more and more book queries, but aside from reading I haven’t been performing much in the way of important tasks.  Of course, reading is designed to keep the mind sharp, and some of this comes under the heading of research—in this case, animal husbandry.  It’s kind of interesting that it took me writing ten novels—some of them remain unpublished—to throw myself headlong into this kind of research. Yes, I’ve fact-checked my novels before, prior to writing certain passages, but there’s also a great deal of leeway that comes with fiction.  You need to know what you’re talking about, but you don’t have to be an expert.  Then again, being an expert in a subject is never a bad thing, nor is expanding your knowledge base.

The Real Thing

I started writing this blog as I went through the editing process of my first novel—and while I worked on the second one—but it has always been easier for me to inhabit that fictional world than this very real one, where I project feelings and emotions onto the computer screen for all to see.  If I can write a 70,000 word novel in four weeks, surely I can craft a decent blog every few days?  Right?!  Easier said than done—this poor blog gets abused and even neglected as I pursue other creative endeavors.  Pinterest is somehow easier to deal with most days.  Even when this blog drifts far away from its original goals and purposes, please know that I am still fumbling my way through this thing.  If life is a constant struggle for self-improvement, then we should always strive to better our work, no matter what it is.

I have submitted my latest manuscript for publishing, but I am not currently working on another novel.  Time will tell whether or not this is a good strategy.

Lead On

This has been a tough week.  I haven’t necessarily had one, overarching crises, but sometimes the little things add up and become one big thing.  Even as I write this, I feel a headache coming on.  I wonder if I will ever stop being plagued by self-doubt?  Having one novel published (aside from the other six I self-published) helps, but I still have flaws and failings, be they real or imagined.  And sometimes the people with whom you need to communicate the most are the most dismissive.  I am also very tired as I write this.  I haven’t slept well in a very long time.  If you are able to sleep for eight interrupted hours, enjoy it.  Some of us would like to feel rested and therefore better able to tackle the problems that plague us while we are awake.  I hate that I feel this way—draggy, lethargic, as though the wind has been taken from my sails and all of the air let out of my tires.  I’m too young to always feel so  weary and exhausted.