Friday, September 26, 2014

Is There Something Wrong With Me?

When I was younger, based on the world around me, I developed a construct for how I believed adulthood proceeded.  I assumed that you graduated high school, began a job, and earned a living.  I thought it was only natural to date, get married, and start a family.  Having been an adult in the eyes of the law for the past twelve years, I have found that the only way to recognize myself as an adult is by realizing that everything sucks.

My goal was always to attend college, and I did that, earning two degrees.  Thus far these degrees have merited me nothing other than a crushing amount of debt and applications that always are received with a response of “Thanks, but no thanks.”  When I was younger and finishing high school, it seemed to me that the majority of adults in their twenties and older worked; they may have had to travel to Richmond or Lexington to do it, but they were able to find reasonably good, well-paying jobs.  For me, however, there seem to be no opportunities.  No matter how badly I want a job, no matter how hard I work or how much I hope and dream and wish, nothing ever comes to fruition.  I have felt so desperate lately that I began to Google things such as “Why can’t I find a job?” and “Is Library Science a terrible degree?”  I received an illuminating variety of answers, none of which served to assuage my anxiety.  Is there something wrong with me?  Do I simply not possess the necessary skills to hold down any position?  I worked several jobs in college, and I imagine most of my former supervisors would give me high marks. Am I too ugly to be seen in public?  If that’s the case, surely there are still behind-the-scenes jobs where I could work.

And when it comes to relationships, I am clearly too ugly to live.  I don’t even like what I see when I look in the mirror, so I guess the idea that a woman might find me attractive is a stretch.  Some people exude confidence, but life has given me very little reason for high self-esteem or positive feelings about myself.  Perhaps a career could provide what I needed, because without a regular income I don’t see how I could ever get married. 

This lack of relationships, platonic or romantic or friendly, might explain the happy endings that permeate my novels.  I am simply filling in the blanks and creating a world and feelings that I don’t think I will ever know myself.  My writing career, the only thing to provide me with a meager income the past few years, has also mostly stagnated.  I guess that’s the challenge for anything in life—when it’s brand new, it’s intriguing, but when you try to sustain it, that is where the real work comes in.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Heart Trouble Redux

I was both elated and privileged to learn recently that my novel, Heart Trouble, would be featured in a newly released boxed set via Crimson Romance, Crazy for Cowboys.  The e-book boxed set is scheduled for release on September 8, 2014 via the Kindle Store, Barnes and Noble, and the iBookstore.  These types of boxed sets seem to be a hot trend in publishing—I even put one together for my Windswept Saga novels—and I look forward to seeing what kind of sales this one may achieve.

Kindle Store

Barnes and Noble Nook Store