Friday, December 28, 2012

Looking to the future

I’m closing out the blog for this year—I’ll see you kids in January.  In the meantime…

  1. Book five has been done for a while now and I’ve uploaded the first draft.  There’s still some more polishing/editing to be done, but let’s hope I can get this thing squared away soon-ish.  It seems as though I’ll be continuing the writing game in the New Year, especially since I have small, devoted band of readers.  You kids keep me going even when I want to give up.
  2. I’ve been applying for a slew of jobs lately.  We’ll see how it goes.  Winter is not really the best time for anything so I don’t know how hiring practices fit into all of that.
  3. I survived Christmas.  That is all.
  4. I’m listening to Prince again.
  5. Old photos help to connect me to the past.  I somehow feel closer to people I never met or barely knew.

Saturday, December 22, 2012


Do you ever feel as though your life is amounting to nothing?  I’m not speaking of fame and fortune; both of those can be fleeting.  I am worried that I am never going to experience the true happiness of life.  I did everything I thought I needed to do to become a productive, successful adult.  I worked hard in high school, went to college and worked myself nearly to death on two degrees.  It was a struggle; I don’t make friends easily and I’m not social butterfly; therefore, I studied and tried to make the best grades possible.  Even that wasn’t always easy as I came upon less-than-sympathetic instructors and people who were just generally surly and inhospitable.  I am two years removed from earning my master’s degree, and the only thing I have to show for any of it is a crushing amount of debt and an inferiority complex.  Others are able to find employment with less experience and education than me; therefore, I must be hapless, feckless, hopeless, and every other –less out there.  I’m sure my lack of conversational skill plays a role in all of this; I am no good at talking myself up because there is honestly nothing to speak of.  When you are poor, you don’t have a fabulous list of leisure activities.  If my education and skills don’t speak for themselves, I don’t know what else to do.  Additionally, I am growing less sociable with time because I find people so generally unpleasant and sympathetic.  I am polite to strangers in public, because I was taught to be polite.  But I rarely go out of my way anymore because I know what I’ll find out of the way won’t give a flying fig about me.  I used to strive for helpfulness but people always blame me for their problems.  It’s a consistent pattern of my life. Maybe I was born with a guilty face.  I wish I could be content with being healthy and whole, but I’m quite sick of living hand-to-mouth while everyone else gets everything they want and I get nothing.  Either way, I would love to be happy, but this clown has finally washed off his makeup and isn’t going to fake cheer anymore.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012


I keep neglecting this poor blog; then again, I am also neglecting myself.  I have been totally depressed, woeful, down in the dumps lately.  I think Christmas is for children and happy couples.  It's not for people like me.

Currently listening to "These Are Special Times" by Celine Dion (good album)

Wednesday, December 12, 2012


No one asked me to marry them, and I didn't play the lottery, so nothing magical happened for me today.  I'm just sitting here, editing my fifth novel.  The year is nearly done and I completed five novels, with more to come.  It's an incredible feeling, honestly.  I don't always feel good about myself, which is obvious to anyone who reads this blog on a regular basis.  But I'm working on it--every day that I'm alive, I'm working on me.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Very, Very Verbose

To update my followers: my latest book just keeps on going. Apparently I had too much to say this time around and thus the project has extended past my usual completion period.  I probably should have expected that when I set my goal for 80,000 words.  When I tried for a 60,000 word novel, I wound up with 76,000 words.  I tend to blow past my writing goals unintentionally.  It could be that I’m long-winded, or simply that writing is becoming easier for me.  Make no mistake, though—it’s not easy.  Sometimes I wonder if my brain wouldn’t prefer I just shut up!