Continued

The good news is that I’ve applied for two jobs so far this week.  Not anything I’m likely to be hired for, of course, but one never knows.  The bad news is I’m still woeful, more depressed than I can ever remember being in the past.  And much like a huge immovable boulder, I don’t see a quick way around it.

Currently listening to “Bigger Man Than Me” by George Strait

Searching

Much of my life has been spent searching.  At a young age I searched for acceptance for myself, the weird kid that spent most of his free time drawing, building, or reading.  Then I searched for strong friendships—and I still am.  As I grew older I began to search for love—which I’ve never found—and my place in the world.  Never found that, either.  I searched a wide variety of career options and degree programs.  Even though I found a master’s program that wanted me, no one in that world wants me as their employee.  Often times my life is incredibly difficult and lonely.  And I’m not wallowing in pity because so many are worse off than me—they are trapped in terrible situations and will never be able to escape.   One way or another, someday I want to be wanted.  With all that said, I think I look better now than at any time in my life.  I’ve finally grown into my own skin.

 

Currently listening to “On a Night Like This” by Kylie Minogue