Ice, Ice Baby

I have been through entirely too many ice storms, but there is something fascinating about the formation of crystals on a solid surface.  I find myself intrigued by how it sticks to grass—it attaches to each blade separately until a lawn resembles a sculpture, each piece visible and delicate in its intricacy.
There’s something fascinating about when the sun comes out and it all goes away.  It drips from the trees and it seems as though the world is melting.  I know these thoughts are random, but they are my own.

Melancholy

Today I have been wondering about the purpose of life.   Aside from the assistance I provide my parents—which is earned, as I owe them for giving me life and raising me—I don’t have a purpose.  Very few people depend on me.  I have a very small circle of friends.  I have two college degrees and no job prospects.  I have spent such a long time waiting for my life to begin that I have almost given hope of it ever happening.  I don’t know that I’m a particularly materialistic person—it doesn’t come naturally to someone poor—but I can barely afford anything I want.  I can barely afford to live.  What is one’s purpose when they are unmarried, without children, a network of any kind?  Do you just drift through life like a leaf on the wind, hoping to land somewhere hospitable?  That’s what I’d like to do—land somewhere worth being.

Book Five

Yikes, it took a while to finish this one.  Call it a labor of love.

http://www.amazon.com/Mended-Tommie-Conrad/dp/1481295268/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1358178510&sr=8-1&keywords=tommie+mended

http://www.amazon.com/Mended-ebook/dp/B00AVE3K2K/ref=dp_kinw_strp_1

The Write Stuff

Okay, I’ve been a total slacker on this blog—lame, I know, but it happens.  Anyway, my fifth book is out in the world being read, and I’m making great progress on book number six.  I know I always claim I’m going to take a break after each subsequent book, and I always break that promise.  This time, however, it’s (probably) the truth.  I’m going to take some time for myself, to see where my inspiration lies and get a bearing on what my future holds.  And while none of us ever knows for sure what tomorrow holds, I wouldn’t mind having an indication.

Currently listening to “Love Resurrection” by Alison Moyet

2012 in Review: Music Edition

If you know me, you know music plays a HUGE role in my life.  It’s the soundtrack to my writing.  It’s my escape when I need time to myself.  It’s the background noise when I’m cleaning house or doing laundry.  With that in mind, I decided to compile a listing of some of the singles that got played on repeat around here over the past year.  Some of them undoubtedly were released in 2011, but I’m thinking about when they stuck their claws in my consciousness.  In no particular order…

1)      One More Night, Maroon 5; this could be my favorite song by them thus far, which is saying something, because I’ve liked nearly every single they’ve released

2)      Give Your Heart a Break, Demi Lovato; I thought this was teeny-bopper music at first, and then it wouldn’t leave my mind

3)      Skyfall, Adele; she’s been the soundtrack for the past two years, but thanks to kismet she is forever a part of the James Bond pantheon.  Hearing it on the big screen was incredible

4)      Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You), Kelly Clarkson; I’m glad Kelly is in my life, and I hope she will be around for many years to come

5)      Home, Philip Phillips; enough said

6)      Safe, Miranda Lambert; probably too long a track to merit a single release, but her fourth album is worth the purchase for this song

7)      Creepin’, Eric Church; I wasn’t prepared to like him that much, but he’s growing better with age.  Some killer imagery in this song

8)      Til My Last Day, Justin Moore; earnest songs, voice full of gravel, heart of gold.  Everyone needs a little more twang in their life

9)      Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye, Luke Bryan; another singer who is growing on me over time. He seems to improve on each single

10)   Beer Money, Kip Moore; I don’t drink beer, but I appreciate the sentiment

11)   Pontoon, Little Bit Town; just pure summer fun

12)   Don’t Leave Her (If you can’t let her go)/She’s Got This Thing About Her/I’m Gonna Change That, Chris Young; his entire Neon album is amazing

13)   Anything by Jason Aldean; seriously, the top male voice in modern country music

14)   Too Close, Alex Clare; great sound, and proof that good pop music is still possible

15)   Every Storm (Runs Out of Rain), Gary Allan; one of the best singers/songwriters in any genre, period.  Some people write songs for a living, while others actually live them.  This song is uplifting in the best way possible, and has become my personal anthem for the New Year

Looking to the future

I’m closing out the blog for this year—I’ll see you kids in January.  In the meantime…

1. Book five has been done for a while now and I’ve uploaded the first draft.  There’s still some more polishing/editing to be done, but let’s hope I can get this thing squared away soon-ish.  It seems as though I’ll be continuing the writing game in the New Year, especially since I have small, devoted band of readers.  You kids keep me going even when I want to give up.
2. I’ve been applying for a slew of jobs lately.  We’ll see how it goes.  Winter is not really the best time for anything so I don’t know how hiring practices fit into all of that.
3. I survived Christmas.  That is all.
4. I’m listening to Prince again.
5. Old photos help to connect me to the past.  I somehow feel closer to people I never met or barely knew.

Without

Do you ever feel as though your life is amounting to nothing?  I’m not speaking of fame and fortune; both of those can be fleeting.  I am worried that I am never going to experience the true happiness of life.  I did everything I thought I needed to do to become a productive, successful adult.  I worked hard in high school, went to college and worked myself nearly to death on two degrees.  It was a struggle; I don’t make friends easily and I’m not social butterfly; therefore, I studied and tried to make the best grades possible.  Even that wasn’t always easy as I came upon less-than-sympathetic instructors and people who were just generally surly and inhospitable.  I am two years removed from earning my master’s degree, and the only thing I have to show for any of it is a crushing amount of debt and an inferiority complex.  Others are able to find employment with less experience and education than me; therefore, I must be hapless, feckless, hopeless, and every other –less out there.  I’m sure my lack of conversational skill plays a role in all of this; I am no good at talking myself up because there is honestly nothing to speak of.  When you are poor, you don’t have a fabulous list of leisure activities.  If my education and skills don’t speak for themselves, I don’t know what else to do.  Additionally, I am growing less sociable with time because I find people so generally unpleasant and sympathetic.  I am polite to strangers in public, because I was taught to be polite.  But I rarely go out of my way anymore because I know what I’ll find out of the way won’t give a flying fig about me.  I used to strive for helpfulness but people always blame me for their problems.  It’s a consistent pattern of my life. Maybe I was born with a guilty face.  I wish I could be content with being healthy and whole, but I’m quite sick of living hand-to-mouth while everyone else gets everything they want and I get nothing.  Either way, I would love to be happy, but this clown has finally washed off his makeup and isn’t going to fake cheer anymore.