In Review

As the month draws to a close, I am reviewing my goals that I established for myself.  I had wanted to write 20 blogs for August, and I surpassed that goal.  It wasn’t always easy but I did it.  I’m not setting a goal for September but rather seeing where life takes me.

Another goal of mine was to read more books.  I accomplished this as well, finishing an incredible four books in a single week.  I didn’t keep a tally, which was a mistake on part, but it’s safe to say I read all or part of ten books this month.

I never did figure out how to write a good cover letter, and I’ve also run dry on my job search.  This is just as well, because I have no clue what I want to be when I grow up.

Insomnia still owns me.  This is nothing new.

Looked at loads of old pictures this month, and remembered a lot of happy and sad times.  I hate being photographed so I hope I don’t look back on this period of my life and wonder where I was.

I reacquainted myself with some of my favorite artists.  It takes a lot of good music in order to write one of my novels.  I also watched quite a few movies this month—some good, some simply mediocre.

As for rediscovering honesty?  It’s an ongoing process for me, and I imagine it is for you, too.

Currently listening to “When Did You Stop Loving Me” by George Strait

Searching

Much of my life has been spent searching.  At a young age I searched for acceptance for myself, the weird kid that spent most of his free time drawing, building, or reading.  Then I searched for strong friendships—and I still am.  As I grew older I began to search for love—which I’ve never found—and my place in the world.  Never found that, either.  I searched a wide variety of career options and degree programs.  Even though I found a master’s program that wanted me, no one in that world wants me as their employee.  Often times my life is incredibly difficult and lonely.  And I’m not wallowing in pity because so many are worse off than me—they are trapped in terrible situations and will never be able to escape.   One way or another, someday I want to be wanted.  With all that said, I think I look better now than at any time in my life.  I’ve finally grown into my own skin.

 

Currently listening to “On a Night Like This” by Kylie Minogue  

Full Moon Fever

I don’t know if I believe in astrology or not, but I have spent a moment or two of my life contemplating my horoscope.  And if the moon controls the tides, then why can’t it control our moods? With the full moon coming on, I find myself with an unhealthy case of insomnia—not that you could differentiate between a sleep disorder and my normal sleep patterns—and a general sense of unease.  The good news about not being able to sleep is it always gives me loads of time to edit and think and worry—okay, not such a good thing in my case.  I’ll say one thing about it—I’m consistent in my worrying.  It’s always the same old thing.

 

Currently listening to “She’s Got This Thing About Her” by Chris Young

Art

Currently I am mulling over several options for my book cover.  This may be one instance where I just use what Amazon provides, although I still like the idea of doing another painting.  My art skills are more limited than most book cover designers, but I was happy with my previous attempts (for the most part).  If I could get ideas to transfer directly from my head to the paper as easily as when I write, that would be fantastic.  Everyone wants to make a good first impression—and for a book that’s almost always the cover, although reading the dust jacket usually makes the final decision for me.

 

Currently listening to “Marina del Rey” by George Strait

Reading Rainbow

I have completed, or read in full, at least ten books so far this month.  That’s got to be some kind of record for me in my adult life.  Previously I was lucky to get through one book per month.  I guess I’ve been enjoying the quiet time that comes from reading.  It’s a time to reflect, to think, to be introspective and to escape.  In college I became so busy that I lost the will and the desire to read—sad, I know.  This year I’ve rediscovered my love for books.  Even if I don’t flat-out love a book, it’s a satisfying feeling to complete them and think critically about the inevitable life lesson contained in each story.

Randoms

Some random musings from my brain this week...

• Just finished reading "Looking for Alaska" by John Green.  It's interesting--I think I understand the themes in young adult fiction far more now than I did when those kinds of books were in my milieu.  The book had a lot to say in its brief 221 pages about the struggles of life as a whole, not just young life, and it also had lots to say about faith and believing in a higher power. 
• Rediscovering lately my love for Shania Twain and her music.  It's never really gone away, but with so few albums to her credit I wind up gravitating toward other artists.  Her second album in particular seems to define a time and place in the mid-90s when I was moving from kid-land toward young adulthood, but still blissfully naive of life's problems.
• Making good progress on editing this book. I always wind up forgetting a certain amount of the story and through the editing process I am reminded of passages and high points.  Ultimately, I am reminded of why I started writing this novel in the first place.
• No progess on the jobs front.  I did update/edit my resume for the 459th time, so that's something to report.
• Nice weather this week.  I tend to like the in-between, not-brutally-hot-but-not-quite-fall- yet weather.  Am I ready to break out my sweaters?  Um, no.
• Getting lots of nice feedback about my novels.  It's fantastic to be appreciated, read, and enjoyed.

Reflections

I imagine I will wind up using the title "Reflections" for more than a few blogs since it is one of my favorite songs by The Supremes.  Anyway, through writing and editing I have become more reflective about myself and the choices I have made throughout my life.  Some were good and some were not.  Some things I should have pursued more ardently.  Some things I should have avoided completely.  At times I should have tried harder, and other times I should have simply pursued fun.


Currently listening to "No One Needs to Know" by Shania Twain

Editing to the Third Power

Editing my book, as of last night.  So far it's going well, because I started in the middle rather than the beginning.  It's interesting to note that, once again, the final chapters seem to be much longer and more detailed as the story reaches its climax.  Gotta work more in the future on spreading out the story.  Still thinking about the book cover as well, and wondering if I should paint something or use a photo.



Currently listening to "I'm Gonna Getcha Good" by Shania Twain

Not Starting Over

Last night I finished writing my third novel.  And I didn’t start writing another one.  I’m going to let this one ride for a while.  So far I’ve finished reading three novels and started reading two more, all the while completing one in my own pen.  Editing is always the worst part of the process because inevitably you find mistakes and things you never intended to say in the first place.  Oddly enough, I had intended to write a slightly shorter novel this time, only to wind up with another 75,000 word-wonder.  Yikes.  I suppose when you set your goal at 60,000, you then challenge yourself to see if you can get past that.  It’ll be interesting to see how quickly I can get this book out into the world.  I have no timetable for editing and no concrete ideas for a cover photo.  If anyone wants to design a cover image and allow me to use it for free, drop me a line!

Considered

Tonight I am considering happiness.  What are the components that allow us to find joy, to find happiness and pleasure in everyday life?  Once we find happiness, how do we keep it?  So often it seems to be fleeting—like a butterfly landing on a lilac bush, happiness quickly comes into our life and flies away again.  Perhaps happiness is something you can catch in a net, or maybe it’s so intangible that we can never predict where it will show up.  Someday I will figure out how to define “happiness”—for now, it seems to come in many different forms

Currently listening to “Consider Me Gone” by Reba McEntire

Bookworm

I am currently reading at least four books, which I consider mildly insane.  The fact of the matter, though, is if time and money was no object and I didn’t have cooking, cleaning, and laundry to deal with, I’d like to be reading at least ten different books right now.   It’s a bit like being back in school and having homework; some assignments are easier to complete and some books get read faster because they are more compelling.   Reading is the one hobby that has persisted throughout my life.  I suppose as long as there are books—electronic or otherwise—my metaphorical nose will be found somewhere within the pages.

Currently listening to “Escape” by Enrique Iglesias (NOW 10 makes it feel like 2002 all over again)

Expectations

This novel was supposed to have ended about ten thousand words ago, but for whatever reason it keeps going.  What happens in life when our expectations are not met?  In writing, I can go with the flow.  In life, I feel only disappointment for what could have been.  It takes me a long time to get over something once my expectations have been placed too high.  In some cases, I’m never quite able to get over it.  Well, never say never, I guess.  Anyway, life is full of unmet expectations and if we let all of them get us down, we’d never grow, change, or accomplish a darned thing.

Currently listening to “The King of Broken Hearts” by George Strait

Ideas

In the coming months, I'd really like to:

• Read more books.  An attainable goal, but not always easy to follow through
• Learn how to write a cover letter
• Figure out why my job search is so...stagnant
• Look at more old pictures; I used to cringe at seeing myself passing through various stages of awkwardness, but now it's not so bad
• Find something that I used to enjoy and learn to enjoy it again
• Be able to sleep again.  Seriously
• Watch more movies.  Again, a simple goal that takes real effort
• Rediscover honesty

Concluded

My third novel is drawing to its natural conclusion and, again, I am amazed at the creative process and how it can alter and shape us.  Fragments of ideas, things that aren't necessarily even related, can become a cohesive unit.  Interestingly enough, but the time I was at this point in my other two books, I was working on an idea for the next one.  This time, I'd really like to take a break and work more on self-improvement.  Writing has been great, but it's also emptied my brain lately and I'd like to see what else is happening up there.  I'm good at making lists, so maybe I'll work on a list of things where I'd like to concentrate my energies.  More on that later.


Currently listening to "You Lost Me" by Christina Aguilera

Memory Lane

Lately I have been doing a lot of traveling down memory lane—I think it’s nice to go back sometimes and remember how things used to be, how it felt to be young, what it was like when everything was brand new and every day was a fresh discovery.  By the time you reach a certain age, you become jaded and assume that there’s nothing new under the moon, nothing left to learn.  I’ve tried to paint myself as a life-long learner.  I enjoy reading something interesting, something new, something that gives me fresh perspective.  There’s always one more book to read, one more movie to see, one more place to travel, if you allow yourself to believe in possibilities. 

Currently listening to “Ordinary People” by Clay Walker

Thinking

Today I got past that 50,000 word hump on my novel.  It’s interesting to consider that I have written over 184,000 words of fiction just since February.  And since I completed two college degrees without ever writing anything longer than 20 pages, it’s a pretty big accomplishment.   Writing has allowed me to live vicariously through my characters, imagining how I would behave given a particular situation.   As a Gemini I understand the duality of personality and have an unusual—some might say inane—ability to play devil’s advocate.  As I’ve said before—I leave pieces of my personality throughout my work, but I also have to step outside of myself sometimes when I consider certain ideas and storylines.

Currently listening to “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” by Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell

Little Things

Sometimes the small things in life are the ones that provide the most happiness…

• The sound of rain on the roof (rain, mind you—not storms)

• Spontaneous laughter

• And in the same vein, laughter over a long-ago memory

• A new CD, book, or DVD

• A funny picture or status on Facebook

• An unexpected card in the mail

• Any mail that isn’t a bill!

• Old photos

• A favorite song on the radio

Currently listening to “Long Slow Beautiful Dance” by Rascal Flatts

Continued

Doing pretty good so far with my goal to write more blogs.   This will be my fifth blog already for just this month.   Been feeling a bit of weird in my novel writing lately, but I think that has to do with a combination of outside things as well as getting over that 50,000 word hump—because I’m increasingly close to that mark.  It’s always a challenge to create something unique but so few things are truly unique anymore; stories, ideas, products have in many cases been done ad nauseam.   It will be interesting someday to compare my writing side-by-side to see how many common themes and ideas repeat throughout.

Currently listening to “Set Fire to the Rain” by Adele

Fragile

What the events of the past few days have taught me is that life is truly fragile.  So much of life is not about having success, shining in the sun, or thriving.  Life is about our ability to endure, to be here day after day, year after year.   And there are so many obstacles and challenges and structures that try to keep us from enduring, from surviving.  Some days are peaceful and calm.  Some days you spend each and every waking moment scratching and clawing to keep your head above water.  And then other days all of the fighting to endure seems to be worth it—you have a small piece of happiness that you grasp with both hands.  Sometimes the happiness is fragile, and other times it simply endures.

Currently listening to “Never Let Me Go” by Florence + the Machine 

In Pictures

This week I have spent a lot of time going through old pictures ranging from kindergarten to high school graduation.  I have begun to see those old pictures through an unrealistic, misty gauze now.  I forget about the trials and tribulations—I smile at the happy times and I ache for all of those classmates who never made it to this part of life.  The older I get, the more I understand that life is truly fleeting and fragile—it can literally be taken away in seconds, leaving those behind to wonder what could have been.  We wonder if it is silly to hope, to dream, to wish—to believe in possibilities.  Then each morning, the sun always rises and we greet the day with renewed hope.  In pictures you see the innocence of youth, the possibilities of the past, and the promise of the future.  You see life, laid out in a rectangular tapestry.  You see the events and people who forever changed you and shaped the person you are today.

Stress

Unless you were lucky enough to have been born in a vacuum, stress is undoubtedly a part of your life.  Some stress is self-induced but it seems that entirely took much is placed on us due to the demands of others.   Sometimes we fail to realize that we are placing unrealistic demands on those close to us; no one, no matter how much we wish to idolize them, is a superhero.  We are all merely human, of flesh and blood—much like the old Human League song.   It is important to realize that nothing’s ever perfect, and life is a long journey that will be filled with its share of obstacles and triumphs.  Whenever you can, put away the hurt and disappointment for a day or two and stop to smell the proverbial roses.

Currently listening to “Holding Back the Years” by Simply Red

A New Month

For the month of August, I am going to take upon myself a new attitude toward blogging.  I am going to write blogs alongside my novel, this ensuring a more significant output.  With that in mind, I’ll set of goal of posting at least 20 blogs this month.  Today hasn’t been the most conducive to blogging or writing, unfortunately.  It seems like I am tired all the time lately and my brain suffers as a result—I write, but it takes forever.  Another goal I need to set for myself?  Getting to bed at a decent hour.

Currently listening to “When I Close My Eyes” by Kenny Chesney