Unfinished

Most of my blog posts are unfinished.  I reach a point where I can no longer write or complete my thought and thus I post as-is.  I never quite know if the raw, unfinished things are better than the fully-formed ideas.  No one wants to read a book with no final chapter.  But blogs are more stream-of-consciousness things and not subject to so much scrutiny—aren’t they?


Currently listening to “Turning Home” by David Nail

Perseverance

The last few weeks have been increasingly difficult for me.  I have drifted to some pretty low places emotionally, my life spinning apart like a tilt-a-whirl with all the nuts and bolts removed.  I think my ultimate problem is that I seek validation from others rather than myself.  I need something to bolster my confidence and I have been unable to find it, spending a lifetime worried and completely, utterly self-conscious. Sometimes I think I am profoundly screwed up, and for no good reason.  Each and every day I must persevere; I must find the strength to put my issues behind me and live a life of happiness and optimism.


Currently listening to "Cry" by Faith Hill

Do You Remember

I got kind of depressed by the lack of a project so I started writing another book.  So far, so good.  I’m also still in the process of editing the third book so it’s going to take a little extra time to get it on sale.  Anyway, the leaves are already falling and the weather is doing that hybrid summer-autumn thing that leads to a sweater in the morning and shorts in the afternoon.  Gotta love Kentucky weather.

The Chill of an Early Fall

September has not started off with a bang.  I found myself falling to a very low place emotionally for much of the holiday weekend.  Tonight was interesting because, on a completely clear evening where the sun was out we lost power for nearly three hours.  For the first time since February, I am not writing.  At all.  I hope getting out of the groove doesn't lead to permanent writer's block.  But at any rate, who knows what will happen after I get a proof copy of book three?  It may inspire me all over again.  So far I'm not setting any goals for this month.  Just going to see where life takes me.


Currently listening to "My All" by Mariah Carey

In Review

As the month draws to a close, I am reviewing my goals that I established for myself.  I had wanted to write 20 blogs for August, and I surpassed that goal.  It wasn’t always easy but I did it.  I’m not setting a goal for September but rather seeing where life takes me.

Another goal of mine was to read more books.  I accomplished this as well, finishing an incredible four books in a single week.  I didn’t keep a tally, which was a mistake on part, but it’s safe to say I read all or part of ten books this month.

I never did figure out how to write a good cover letter, and I’ve also run dry on my job search.  This is just as well, because I have no clue what I want to be when I grow up.

Insomnia still owns me.  This is nothing new.

Looked at loads of old pictures this month, and remembered a lot of happy and sad times.  I hate being photographed so I hope I don’t look back on this period of my life and wonder where I was.

I reacquainted myself with some of my favorite artists.  It takes a lot of good music in order to write one of my novels.  I also watched quite a few movies this month—some good, some simply mediocre.

As for rediscovering honesty?  It’s an ongoing process for me, and I imagine it is for you, too.

Currently listening to “When Did You Stop Loving Me” by George Strait

Searching

Much of my life has been spent searching.  At a young age I searched for acceptance for myself, the weird kid that spent most of his free time drawing, building, or reading.  Then I searched for strong friendships—and I still am.  As I grew older I began to search for love—which I’ve never found—and my place in the world.  Never found that, either.  I searched a wide variety of career options and degree programs.  Even though I found a master’s program that wanted me, no one in that world wants me as their employee.  Often times my life is incredibly difficult and lonely.  And I’m not wallowing in pity because so many are worse off than me—they are trapped in terrible situations and will never be able to escape.   One way or another, someday I want to be wanted.  With all that said, I think I look better now than at any time in my life.  I’ve finally grown into my own skin.

 

Currently listening to “On a Night Like This” by Kylie Minogue  

Full Moon Fever

I don’t know if I believe in astrology or not, but I have spent a moment or two of my life contemplating my horoscope.  And if the moon controls the tides, then why can’t it control our moods? With the full moon coming on, I find myself with an unhealthy case of insomnia—not that you could differentiate between a sleep disorder and my normal sleep patterns—and a general sense of unease.  The good news about not being able to sleep is it always gives me loads of time to edit and think and worry—okay, not such a good thing in my case.  I’ll say one thing about it—I’m consistent in my worrying.  It’s always the same old thing.

 

Currently listening to “She’s Got This Thing About Her” by Chris Young