-Teacher: The first
career most children are exposed to is that of teacher. Like many others have surely done, I would
create my own worksheets and reuse my workbooks to pretend to be a
schoolteacher. I carried this dream for
a good, long, and while many would like to see me choose it as my vocation, I
am so uncomfortable in front of groups—even groups of young people. I’d have to endure some type of immersion
therapy.
-Doctor: This one was
pretty brief. I had a toy doctor’s kit
and created patient records for a whole lot of stuffed animals. It was fun while it lasted, but I would never
want to be anything other than a pediatrician.
Cutting on people and being expected to put them back together is a responsibility
best left to those with steady hands.
-Architect: This is
the one I still dream the most about, secretly, and don’t tell anyone about
it. Those who have known me for years
know that I spent many, many hours drawing, erasing, and creating my own home
plans. I read so, so many books about
famous architecture, I memorized all the most important American styles, and I still
have so much love for Frank Lloyd Wright that I did a project about him in
graduate school. My love for HGTV is
rooted partly in my quest for knowledge.
When you consider that I am the son of a carpenter and have been
watching “This Old House” for my entire life, none of this is surprising. That doesn’t even begin to take into account
my Lego obsession. I actually invented
an entire life for myself, an architect/Mr. Mom who had the flexibility to
raise his son in a mansion of my own creation while my wife took business
trips. Like I said, I have a vivid
imagination. When an architect visited
for career day, I soaked up every word.
While other kids were playing video games, I was drawing homes in my Art
Club sketchpad. In high school, I simultaneously
held onto and let go of the dream. My
drafting class went somewhat miserably; it was here that I first found I had no
ability to render things in three-dimensions.
Blueprints also lost some of their appeal, but I also managed to create
a house that was equal to or better than most of my peers. I continued drawing and creating house plans,
barely stopping until I got deep into college admission essays and honors
coursework. So why didn’t I pursue
architecture as a major? Reality set in—architects
must attend school for literally years to even get that title, and after all of
that schooling they still aren’t paid that much as an average salary. When I got to college, I realized I had made
the right decision; there was so much to be learned outside of architecture, so
many other things that I enjoyed studying.
Still, in the back of my mind, I imagine what it would be like to design
houses and have people live in them.
Maybe someday, I’ll design my own house and bring things full circle.
Psychologist: Most
people know that my BA is in psychology.
Many people know that my goal for many years was to become a licensed
psychologist and provide counseling. So
what was the hang up? In a word—or two—graduate
school was the ultimate stumbling block.
I admittedly didn’t apply to many schools, but when my first choice
devastated me, I was crushed. I had put
so much effort into my admissions essay and gathering letters of
recommendation. I performed above their
expectations on the GRE. A lot of people
may not know or care, but college was very difficult for me. I did not fit into any type of party scene or
social group outside of my Peer Mentor job with Student Support Services. So much of my time was spent in classes that
bored me, and I begged for each day and week to reach its end so I could either
get home or to the end of the semester.
I would take notes, study, and then exams would just not go well. My best grades were in History and French—completely
and totally unrelated to my major. I did
have some wonderful friends who helped in the process, but ultimately I was the
one taking the tests and performing below my expectations. I would spend hours alone in my dorm room,
trying to do homework and finding that none of it interested me. If we discussed a topic of interest in a
psychology course, it was never for a long enough period of time for me to
excel or gain any attention. I don’t
think most of the professors even remembered me after the semester came to an
end. I must have seemed like a pathetic
case when I visited their office hours. While
psychology and related subjects ultimately became miserable, and I was so
lonesome so much of the time, I stuck with it.
My senior year was so difficult but it was also one of my best
years. I got pretty darned good grades
in most classes and much of my free time was spent with two wonderful friends,
one of whom is now an attorney and the other one is now my own personal motivational
speaker. I also got so much wonderful
advice from my work supervisor and my final psychology professor was a warm and
welcome surprise, a person who gave me great advice and made me feel like I fit
into the study of psychology. I was so
grateful for the A that I earned in that class.
Even though 2006 was ultimately the best and worst year ever, I found a
lot of courage. I continued to research
and apply to programs even though it never worked out. I still feel, in some ways, as though my
chance to be a psychologist was blunted by those who couldn’t see my
potential. It put me on a two-and-a-half
year path in which I struggled to find my identity. Ultimately, it led me to my goal: graduate school, major bedamned.
-Librarian: I’m still
trying to work on this one. A close
friend suggested I apply for UK’s library science program and I worked, worked,
and worked on my application until it was just right. I asked for letters of recommendation from
some individuals who hadn’t forgotten my good work. Less than two months after submitting my
stuff, I got the most wonderful email—the program would admit me on a deferred
status since I’d applied so late. I
gladly accepted their offer, and didn’t think twice about it. It certainly wasn’t psychology, and it
definitely wasn’t architecture, but it brought me back to one of my first loves—the
library and the wealth of knowledge that came from reading. My mother made me a reader from an early age and
I never lost the want-to when it came to books.
In many ways graduate school was vastly easier than undergrad—the studying
was specialized and it was about things I wanted to study! It was also very difficult at times; I had a professor
who clearly had a screw loose and tried to fail me on nearly every assignment. I gritted it out and tried to “cowboy up” as
my dad is fond of saying. It was so hard
to get into grad school and no way in hell was I getting tossed out. I did make some wonderful friends but
ultimately my goals to garner a huge friendship went unmet; I just don’t fit in
with most people. I took a calculated
risk in the second summer, taking a course that could have been my undoing; a
bad grade would have removed me from the program. Instead, though, I got an A in the course and
my faith was restored. I spent most of
grad school working at the library in the university medical center; my
co-workers were so wonderful and always made me feel like I was a valuable part
of their office. I will be forever
grateful to them. I finished graduate
school quietly, an ice storm providing the only major drama of that final
week. I began to look for jobs, and I
still am at the present time. I’m not
sure what people see in interviews, but they clearly aren’t seeing the real me
who had worked very hard to earn two degrees; the first-generation college
student who bucked cultural trends and statistics and made my own path through
education; the creative person who can come with a promotional flyer in all of
three seconds. People look at my resume
and my face and quickly reject me; sometimes they don’t even bother to call or
write and tell me that I’m worthless to them.
For now it looks like I may never become a librarian; my dreams to
utilize my education have unfortunately been dashed left and right. Through it all, I have tried to stay ME—I have
only the education and job experience I have.
I am an introvert but I generally try very hard to be outgoing,
friendly, and accommodating. If I don’t
fit into people’s stereotypes or preconceived notions, then so be it. I’m not going to be something I’m not just to
please someone who isn’t worth my time.
I’ll keep reading, I’ll keep applying, and I’ll keep trying.
-Writer: This brings
us full circle, readers. Creating stories
about me in my mind is fun, but creating stories about others can be
profitable. In theory, that is. Most people complained about it but 95% of
the time in college, I loved writing papers.
I may be a lousy public speaker
but in my works teachers get such a good idea of what is in my mind, my ability
to lay out ideas and reason and research. Reading their compliments and comments would
always give me hope. Even though most of the writing was technical I learned a
lot about being concise; a five-page papers means write five pages and no more. I may never become a professional writer or
best-selling author, but the ability to write is one thing I am proud to have
learned.
And just for fun:
-Blonde: Not a really
a career, per se, but I always wanted to know what it was like to have blonde
hair. While I regularly receive
compliments on my dark, almost obsidian hair, I still wonder what it would be
like to look different. Blondes have
more fun and seem to tan way better than pale old me.
-Athlete: Seriously, just once I would love to have an
athletic talent. Instead I have long
gawky arms and poor coordination. At
least I’m tall.
Okay, I went a little to in-depth on my dreams but if you
feel inspired or have any of your own to share, please feel free to do so!
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